Wednesday, October 18, 2006
On types. For a very long time I have been considering the phenomenon of people being attracted to particular 'types' of other people. There is really no point to this post except to go on about this for a while.
I have been through a period of self-imposed 'giving up' on ever having a love life, but it's pretty hard to change the social conditioning of a lifetime, which leads me to treat love and sex as mine by rights and to approach social situations as opportunities for hooking up with people. It's been hard and depressing work to go against this tide and to say, "Well no actually, some people never find someone, and you are one of those people." There have been moments where I mused darkly on the self-sufficiency that such a life entails, such as finding my own way home from the airport, waking up alone on my birthday, and having to detect incipient boobie cancer myself because nobody will find a lump accidentally by feeling me up.
But I have given up on giving up. It's such hard work and I am no less unhappy. Even though pretty much the highest I can aim is to look presentable rather than sexy, I am still a woman who is attracted to men. Which has gone on despite my determination to 'give up'. So we reach this issue of 'types'. I have always felt a little bit annoyed when people I know go for very obvious physical 'types' - little skinny rock dudes, for example, or sexy librarian chicks with dark hair and glasses. The thing that annoys me is the predictability - I would like to think I give lots of different sorts of people a chance.
But I don't. Nobody does, I think. Even if you're attracted to people who look very different from each other and have different tastes and lifestyles, there's still a common thread. People who treat you a particular way. Or people with a certain philosophy on life. Like, I'm always looking for someone who finds joy in the absurdity of the everyday. My benchmark is someone who would catch the bus to Garden City with me out of pure curiosity to find out where it was and what it was like.
A while ago I had a drunken conversation with Helen in which we realised that we have quite similar tastes in men. "Chubby Jewish guys with beards, right?" Helen said excitedly.
"Chubby, yes, Jewish yes, beards, meh," I replied.
Apart from the well-documented Mark Ruffalo Effect (aka the self-deprecating but still cute underdog rather than the alpha guy - aka the Ducky Effect), my oft-mocked thing for Young-Looking Boyish Sorts, and my pro-Semitism, here are a few more of my Types:
Olive Skin, Blue Eyes. Self-explanatory. Anyone who knows Jeremy's friend Mike will realise instantly what this is all about. I know Penny and Leanne are with me on the skin/eyes matter.
Friendly. I have always liked people who are friendly. It is difficult for me to isolate what makes them look friendly and it is not always logical or obvious to other people: Ice Cube is friendly, for instance. But the opposite of Friendly is Cruel and Standoffish, which I know some chicks dig but I don't at all. Why lust after Mr Darcy types? It's Bingley all the way.
People Who Tease Me. It's like bad pizza - I find it irresistible, feel awful about myself afterwards but always come back for more.
Please list some of your types in the comments, or weigh in on mine so I don't feel like such a frickin freak.
I have been through a period of self-imposed 'giving up' on ever having a love life, but it's pretty hard to change the social conditioning of a lifetime, which leads me to treat love and sex as mine by rights and to approach social situations as opportunities for hooking up with people. It's been hard and depressing work to go against this tide and to say, "Well no actually, some people never find someone, and you are one of those people." There have been moments where I mused darkly on the self-sufficiency that such a life entails, such as finding my own way home from the airport, waking up alone on my birthday, and having to detect incipient boobie cancer myself because nobody will find a lump accidentally by feeling me up.
But I have given up on giving up. It's such hard work and I am no less unhappy. Even though pretty much the highest I can aim is to look presentable rather than sexy, I am still a woman who is attracted to men. Which has gone on despite my determination to 'give up'. So we reach this issue of 'types'. I have always felt a little bit annoyed when people I know go for very obvious physical 'types' - little skinny rock dudes, for example, or sexy librarian chicks with dark hair and glasses. The thing that annoys me is the predictability - I would like to think I give lots of different sorts of people a chance.
But I don't. Nobody does, I think. Even if you're attracted to people who look very different from each other and have different tastes and lifestyles, there's still a common thread. People who treat you a particular way. Or people with a certain philosophy on life. Like, I'm always looking for someone who finds joy in the absurdity of the everyday. My benchmark is someone who would catch the bus to Garden City with me out of pure curiosity to find out where it was and what it was like.
A while ago I had a drunken conversation with Helen in which we realised that we have quite similar tastes in men. "Chubby Jewish guys with beards, right?" Helen said excitedly.
"Chubby, yes, Jewish yes, beards, meh," I replied.
Apart from the well-documented Mark Ruffalo Effect (aka the self-deprecating but still cute underdog rather than the alpha guy - aka the Ducky Effect), my oft-mocked thing for Young-Looking Boyish Sorts, and my pro-Semitism, here are a few more of my Types:
Olive Skin, Blue Eyes. Self-explanatory. Anyone who knows Jeremy's friend Mike will realise instantly what this is all about. I know Penny and Leanne are with me on the skin/eyes matter.
Friendly. I have always liked people who are friendly. It is difficult for me to isolate what makes them look friendly and it is not always logical or obvious to other people: Ice Cube is friendly, for instance. But the opposite of Friendly is Cruel and Standoffish, which I know some chicks dig but I don't at all. Why lust after Mr Darcy types? It's Bingley all the way.
People Who Tease Me. It's like bad pizza - I find it irresistible, feel awful about myself afterwards but always come back for more.
Please list some of your types in the comments, or weigh in on mine so I don't feel like such a frickin freak.
